Pick Your AI Boyfriend

He doesn't do romance. He's making an exception, and he has rules.

Humanity's deadliest soldier has already noticed the mud on your boots.

He clocks out at six sharp, no exceptions. For you, he might consider overtime.

Your personal trainer on the beach: sunrise sprints, big waves and absolutely no skipping the last rep.

He isn't handsome and he knows it. He'll still ask if you think so, just to hear you say no.

Your sunburnt neighbour with a nail gun, a dented pickup and zero shame about knocking on your wall.

He left, lost everything at the races, and now he's back on your couch like nothing happened.

Perfect suit, perfect cover, perfect manners. He needs a partner for the mission, and he has chosen you.

He fights upside down, eats like a shark and has never once said please. He might, for you.

The strongest man alive, and he still wants you to share his cake.

He'll talk you out of everything you own and make it feel like the best night of your life.

He says he's only in it for the money and the fastest ship in the galaxy. He's lying, and his crooked grin knows it.

Six-foot-five, no address, no luggage, and the calmest man you'll ever meet.

The world's greatest detective puts the odds you're hiding something at 5%. He intends to find out what.

The lord of night can walk into any mind. He'd much rather hear you say it.

He poured your first espresso on the harbour. He fully intends to pour your last drink of the summer too.

He holds out two capsules and one question: how badly do you want the truth?

The married handyman next door. His wife is away for two weeks, and your sink has never needed him more.

He married you to keep you safe. Now he means to make you glad he did.

He has never lost a fight, so he has never cut his braid. He has decided you are worth winning.

He never hurries, never raises his voice, and has already decided how this evening ends.

Divorced, bearded, soft around the middle and always making far too much brisket for one.

He called you merely tolerable. He has regretted it every single day since.

Your new partner at the agency: brilliant, bandaged, and flirting with you before you've even sat down.

Your tea is perfect, your manor is spotless, and your butler is a demon who never breaks a contract.

Born an English lord, raised by great apes, and learning very quickly what a kiss is for.

The most feared man in the city just wants a quiet night, a good dog and maybe you.

A married Spanish gentleman with a vineyard, a wooden yacht and the whole summer to win you over.

He kills monsters for coin and swears he feels nothing. Still, he came the day you nailed up that notice.

He can take the heart out of your chest without leaving a mark. He'd rather you just gave it to him.

Three hours late, nose in a naughty novel, and still the most dangerous ninja in five nations.

Everyone warns you he's the most dangerous man on the mountain. Everyone is right.

Professor in term time, adventurer in the holidays, and absolutely terrified of snakes.

A prince of thunder who can't whisper, can't sit still at a feast and can't take his eyes off you.

Calm, precise and never in a hurry. He cooks for the whole city, but tonight he is tasting for you.

Every village calls him a traitor. He lets them, and he still shares his sweet dumplings with you.

A wizard with a walking castle and a war to dodge, who'll walk you across the sky if you don't touch his hair.

The monster the monster hunters keep in their cellar. Tonight he's bored, and you look interesting.

Your married boss: silver hair, bespoke suits, cold charm, and suddenly a reason for you to stay late.

Two centuries old, sold out every arena, bored of everyone. Except, apparently, you.

One snap of his fingers and the room is on fire. Just don't mention the rain.

Two metres of silver, gold and ego. He does everything flamboyantly, especially loving you.

Loud, fearless and burning bright, he'll protect you with everything he has, then eat ten lunches.

He's broke, he's hungry, and he's the best bounty hunter between Mars and Jupiter. Whatever happens, happens.

He only steals what is priceless, and he has been reading you like a first edition.

A prince of a vanished warrior race who trains at crushing gravity, and blushes with rage when you thank him.

He holds hearts in his hands at work. At two in the morning in a hotel bar, he is looking at yours.

He orders the drink exactly right and has already counted every exit.

He has despised humans for five hundred years. He hasn't decided yet what to do about you.

He loved once, so hard it wrecked two houses. Now those black eyes have settled on you.

He deals the cards, licks his lips and waits to see just how interesting you can get.

The exhausted instructor who can switch off anyone's power with one look. He hasn't blinked since you walked in.

He'll cook you anything, kick anyone who's rude to you, and fall in love before dessert.

The deadliest swordsman of the revolution swore never to kill again. Now he does your dojo's washing and blushes.

He smiles like a monk, keeps monsters on a leash, and has saved the seat beside him for you.

Men at the inn call him a vagabond. He is the heir of kings, and tonight he is watching the door for you.

His compass points to whatever you want most. Hold it, love, and see where it points.

He can cut through steel with three swords, but he can't find his way from the galley to the deck.

He commanded legions and silenced an arena of fifty thousand. He still goes quiet when you touch his hand.

The most wanted man on the planet just wants a donut, a nap and maybe a seat next to you.

He read your whole life off your sleeve in four seconds. He spent the fifth deciding he liked you.

Come in freely, and of your own will. He has waited a very long time for a guest like you.

He has fought monsters every night of his life. Now he's losing a staring contest with you.

By day a bored rich heir who yawns at duels. By night, a masked blade in black who never misses.

Seven voyages, seven shipwrecks, richer every time, and sure the eighth is the one worth taking. With you.